Suitable not Compatible 

Compatibility is one word that often come up especially in relationship. Relationship experts, amateurs and everyone around reminds you to be sure you and your mate are compatible when choosing a partner. Almost every book I have read talked about making sure you and your partner are compatible as it gives your relationship a chance of survival. I wasn’t so lucky to have anyone guide me through relationship with the opposite sex as such so a lot of  the things I knew came from the books I read and personal experiences. Oh boy did I get burnt a lot? You bet I did!

So I had this friend(a guy) at some point in my life. We were best friend and everything was going good at least until everyone around us started to say how compatible we were for each other. I constantly heard things like you guys are compatible, you look good together, you should date already! Before I knew it I had developed a crush on Mr Perfect. Well my crush remained just that as Mr Perfect wasn’t in the mood for a relationship. I finally borrowed myself brain and decided to catch a flight instead of catching feeling…lol.  On this note a quick advice especially to young ladies is to guard your heart dilligently! If a guy is not asking for a relationship disregard his actions and set clear boundaries.

So I have been working a lot on my relationship and thank God for mentors guiding me and making the journey easier.  Trust me I have turned a full cycle but that is not the crux of the matter here. The important thing is we have pushed ourselves and people into  relationships they have no business being a part of in the name of compatibility. Oftentimes we drop our values and compromise just because someone is compatible with us. Then as I study and apply myself to guidance I discovered something significant. The bible in Genesis 2:18 said it is not good for man to be alone, I’ll make a suitable helpmate for him.

Note it didn’t say compatible, it said SUITABLE!!! Suitable means right or appropriate for a particular person, purpose or situation. While compatible means capable of existing or performing in harmonious or agreeable combination. That means the fact that people  are compatible does not necessarily make them the right fit for each other.  In the pursuit of purpose you will need more than compatible my dear friend. The journey of life requires that you are moving with someone who is the right and appropriate for your journey. 

Imagine travelling across the desert and taking a winter jacket with you! Suitability is not in the bank account, job they have or their pedigree it is in the value they live out for all to see, it’s in what is important to them, in how intentional or otherwise they are about their life. It is about the authority over them, who and what they submit to, the direction of their journey etc. That is not to say being compatible is not important or doesn’t play a role. It plays a huge role but be sure that person is not just compatible but suitable! Remember you don’t want to be the guy that uses AK47 to kill a fly and insecticide to kill a lion…

PS: The next time someone pressures you into choosing someone because they think you guys are compatible, tell them to park well!!!🤣😁

Prayer: I pray for everyone reading this piece that they make the right choices in life by the leading of the Holy Spirit. Amen

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Everlasting Light 

I Olutola Comfort arise! My light is shining for all to see

For the glory of the Lord is rising upon me

Even when thick darkness covers every nations of the earth, the glory of the Lord rises over Olutola Comfort 

All nations of the earth come to my light; mighty kings are coming to catch a glimpse of my radiance

My sons are coming from distant lands and my daughters carried home.

My eyes are shining and my heart thrills with joy

Merchants from around the world are bringing me the wealth of many lands

Every nation, tribe and race worship God as they behold his wonders in my life

The Lord has filled Comfort with splendor therefore men honours God in me.

Foreigners rebuilds my towns, kings will serve me

For through grace God has looked upon me with mercy

The gates of Olutola Comfort is perpetually open day and night to receive the wealth of many lands 

I beautify the tabernacle of the Lord with my wealth because in his mercy he has made me mega financier in his kingdom 

Those who despised me are now kissing my feet and the descendants of my tormentors will come and bow before me

I Olutola Comfort is called the city of the Lord and Zion of the Holy One of Israel

I was once despised with no one travelling through me but God has made me beautiful forever, I’m now the joy of many generations 

Now I know that the Lord, my redeemer is the Mighty one of Israel. Therefore powerful kings and mighty nations satisfy my every need.

He has exchanged my bronze for gold; my iron for silver; my wood for iron

Peace is my leader and righteousness my ruler

Violence, strife, desolation and destruction has disappeared from my land

Salvation surrounds me like city walls and everyone who enters give God praise

The Lord is my everlasting light so the light of the moon and sun is irrelevant 

The sun of Olutola Comfort will no longer set and her moon will no longer go down

My days of mourning has ended and the Lord has planted me and my family with his own hands in our rightful place

We flourish and reign in righteousness, our lives bring God glory

Our small family has become a thousand and God is transforming us into a mighty nation

The Lord is making it happen for now is the appointed time and all is to the glory of his holy name!

*Please personalise and confess this as much as God gives you grace. Remember words are seeds and what you plant is what you harvest. Grace to you😘

Wait!

I have a burden in my heart for singles out there especially young ladies. I see a lot of destinies aborted and lives ruined on the alter of marriage. We have become a society obsessed by marriage,so parents pressure their girls into bringing the ‘one’, the community measures your level of responsibility and sometimes emotional stability through the length of years you have stayed married. Your relevance and acceptability in some communities depend on your marital status. Ladies approach the dreaded age of 30 with so much trepidation, suddenly all the confidence and achievement fly out of the window and all they want to do is ‘settle down’. 

What is even more alarming is we are mostly not equipped for this important step. So we choose the most expensive wedding gown, learn the latest dance in town, carefully pick out vendors for the wedding and plan the most romantic honeymoon that will make even Hollywood stars jealous. Trust me I have been there and done that, so I’m not judging anyone but we really need to speak up about these things. The very people that pressures you into getting married at all cost are probably going through rough patches in their marriage but will never tell you that part of the story and a lot of time they almost make me believe they pressure people out of wickedness. Please folks stop asking people when they will get married, when you will be invited to eat jollof rice ?(if jollof rice is your problem cook it in your kitchen or gate crash a party). Stop making snide remarks, asking questions that embarrasses another person all in the name of wishing them well. If it bothers you so much that someone around you is not married yet commit to praying for them.

Please folks let’s stop ‘marriage-shaming’ (that’s my word for it…lol)! Marriage is beautiful if done right but it is never the be all for anyone. Not everyone wants to or will marry and that is perfectly OK. There’s nothing wrong with them if they don’t want to get married or if not yet married. Everyone have their own timing and our race is never the same. What is the essence of rushing into marriage and splitting up after a short while. It is not a joke, it is not a car that you take for test drive, it is not something to take with levity. Patience is a virtue, it is an art. Please ladies let us learn the art of patience, let’s learn to wait gracefully!

I pray for all the single men and women out there that God will lift up the countenance of his eyes upon you. I pray that he will give you grace to run your race with patience and strengthen your heart as you wait and face the pressures of life. I pray that he will guide you and keep you from the counterfeits, that you may choose right. I pray that in your season of singleness you will grow into the purpose and will of God for your life.

Grace to you…

He Restores my Soul…

As the first ray of sunlight penetrated the dimly lit room and gently graced my face, I turned and slowly opened my eyes as the words, he restore my soul formed on my lips. I sat up and stretched as I became more aware of my surrounding and the words that seemed to come from my sleep. In that moment I burst into worship, giving all the glory to the Almighty God, the restorer of all things good.

You may begin to wonder what is significant about the experience or what it actually means to me? In my walk with God I have come to cherish the communion I share with him and most importantly the privilege of getting directions for living, it makes life easier. Remember the bible says “He orders the steps of the righteous”. The truth is you never appreciate good health until you have experienced ill health. So I woke up one morning to realise I didn’t feel like praying or studying my bible and it would not have been such a big deal if that didn’t go on for about a week. Though I felt the burden in my heart to go to God’s secret place (the place of fellowship with God), there was a strong resistance in my physical body. All connection and signal were down, I neither heard the spirit of God guiding me nor feel connected to him in anyway. I struggled so much in that week! Even when I attended church services with such heavy presence of the Holy Spirit I was still struggling with no signal. 

Before I knew it I felt unhappy more, became snappy and started having mood swings. The first thing I did was anchor myself by becoming accountable. I called up one of my spiritual mentors and reported myself, spoke to my support group(accountability & prayer partners), we talked through it and I felt a relieve in my soul knowing I’m being raised up in prayer. I then began to think over events leading up to that week, I confessed all the sins I can remember and the ones I can’t. Slowly I began to get into the mood of drive thru prayers but still not studying the bible (in order words no quiet time with God observed). So three days prior to my restoration experience, I began to just listen to worship songs on YouTube and more so fill me till I overflow by Tasha Cobbs. All day, all night I worshipped and told God I know you can hear me, I know you love me, heal every severed connection, mend every broken cord for I desire your presence and I’m dead without you.

The night before I worshipped even more and I could feel a spark, then as I worshipped I started to speak in tongues(pray in the Holy Ghost). My heart was flooded with joy and light, oh it was such a beautiful experience! So the next morning when I said the words he restores my soul I knew what it meant. God has worked his restoration in me and renewed my strength because I waited upon him. Grace found me again!

I don’t even know why I am sharing this experience but I’m sure it will speak to someone and help them navigate the times when it seems God is no longer close by. Now to recap, I took some steps that helped me in that season:

1) I anchored myself by talking to my mentor and support system about what I was going through. As a Christian God has not called you to walk alone. Having accountability partners and spiritual mentor(s) will help keep you grounded. More so, it keeps you from falling into sin, they give you practical, bible-based advice and help you get back to your feet through prayer.

2) I knew God was near, he was listening even when I couldn’t hear or connect with him. I knew without a shadow of doubt that God loves me and our relationship  is important to him. How did I know this? Because I have been bought with the most precious price, the blood of Jesus (John 3:16). All through the experience I kept remembering how he would leave 99 other sheep to go look for one that is missing. Knowing that irrespective of who you are or what you have done, he will never leave nor forsake you means the devil cannot take advantage of you. The devil could not play the mind game with me thereby luring me further away from God’s secret place.

3) I created a conducive atmosphere through continual worship. At times when your heart seems too heavy or you just don’t know what to say, when all hope is lost and you are at a dead end, just worship. Worship invites the presence of God and allows the rivers of joy to well up in you.

4) I prayed in the Holy Ghost. The bible said in Romans 8:26, “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness…Remember he that speaks in an unknown tongue edifices himself. 

I pray today that anyone experiencing a disconnection from God or has strayed from his presence will be fully restored in the Mighty name of Jesus. I pray that God will lead you in the path of righteousness and his strength will be perfected in your weakness. That even at those times when you walk in the valley of the shadow of death,he will gently guide and direct you. That he will comfort you and give you his peace that transcends human understanding in Jesus Mighty name. Amen.

The White Elephant in the Room

I came from a part of the world where depression never enters family, community or national discussion. It is the white elephant in the room that no one ever gets to talk about. Though I  knew a word called depression existed but to me at the time it just meant you are sad, it didn’t go beyond that . So I got a rude shock that fateful afternoon as I sat in my GP’s office after some examination and she said Comfort, I feel you have a mild case of clinical depression.

You see just a few days before then, I was on the overground train and without sleeping, I missed my train stop because I was lost in my world. Then on my way back that night as I waited for my train, a thought slipped into my mind. What if I jump in front of this coming train? Death will be quick and easy but what if I survived and was maimed for life? No I can’t take that chance! Yet I’m just tired of it all and there seems to be no escape from it. My mind argued within itself back and forth for the next 2minutes before I snapped back and took hold of myself. I went home that night scared that something serious was happening to me, I just couldn’t  put a name to it yet.

The next day, I had slept for about 4hours and was woken up by the worst kind of headache like it’s been for the last two weeks. So I booked an appointment and made a trip to see my GP on my way out. She took my vitals, looked at me with a frown and asked some questions. After few minutes of silence and scribbling, she finally told me I had mild depression, extremely high bp and I need to go back home to rest. Now it was my turn to ask questions and carefully she explained to me what it meant and what I needed to do to get back to my normal self.

This was my first real encounter and discussion about depression. I realised either it’s been discussed or not, the most important thing is depression is very real and we need to raise the awareness. Depression is especially common with women than men in the UK according to UK mental health statistics. The sad part is depression is hardly ever mentioned within the African community with little or no support within the family unit.

Its been two years now since that episode and I have come out on the other side stronger than ever without taking any medication but with tremendous support from family and friends. God gifted me with this great surround and support system at the time, they were four great men who stood as pillars of strength and support as I navigated the darkest and hardest part of my journey so far. Even when they weren’t sure of what was running through my mind or what next to do, they held my hands and silently walked beside me. That was just what I needed at the time.

I was lucky to have them but not everyone has that support system within their existing network or sphere of influence. I want you to know that the fact that your neighbour, colleague, sister or friend smiled at you doesn’t mean they are not depressed. A lot of people around us are going through depression and we don’t even notice. Most times a listening ear without judgement or correction, a loving touch, hug or smile is all it takes. At other times a shoulder to cry on or even someone to say it’s not your fault this is happening and everything is gonna be alright makes all the difference.

I have come to appreciate the little things more especially the sun, the rising of it brings fresh hope but most importantly the gift of love and friendship. I have learnt to be more empathetic, compassionate and understanding towards others. I urge you to intentionally watch out for people around you, after all the bible said to be our brother’s keeper. Make everyday count by giving the gift of love, peace, joy and hope. When you shine so bright please make sure you are lighting others too.

I pray for everyone going through a dark time in their journey that God will shine his light into every darkness. The bible said that the light shines in darkness; and darkness comprehend it not. That as you walk through the valley of the shadow of death you will fear no evil because the Almighty God will be your guide and shield. His peace will wash over you and you will experience the warmth of his embrace. Remember God loves you and his banner over us all is love…xo

I Am More Than Enough

I sat in front of three career judges at the Fresh Careers Fair smiling warmly and proudly telling them about my dreams, my aspirations and giving snippets of some of the work I have done in the direction of my dreams. They all fell in love with me and commended the fact that I thought about giving back to humanity, most especially my race. The thing is I quickly fell in love with them too because their warmth, commendations and encouragement reminded me that I am more than enough! That my contribution makes a lot of difference and even when it seems like a drop in the ocean, it will surely add up someday and that renewed my hope. It was midday already and I have spoken to almost all the exhibitionist in the hall.

So I finally found myself a place to seat, I reminisced about how far I have come on my journey. It’s been a long winding road and I can assure you the ride has been everything but smooth with loads of bumps and huge potholes that threatened to swallow my very existence but grace has brought me this far. You see I was that timid, shy, insecured girl who failed so hard and made so many mistakes she stopped believing in herself. I was that girl who at some point was so broken she felt like a mirror that has been shattered into a million pieces. I remember sitting on the floor of my room one day with tears rolling down my face like the trickles of rain water on a metal drum and I asked myself, Comfort will you ever be whole again? I have failed so I understand the joy of success, I have been broken so I treasure the gift of wholeness, I have felt inadequate for too long so I allow myself the pleasure of being more than enough, I have been at my weakest so I appreciate strength.

I got tired of being tired, I got tired of feeling so much pain and brokenness and just at that moment it dawned on me I’ve got to do something about it. Little did I know that life was only preparing me to be a light that shines so bright others can be lighted through it. Like a diamond I have to go through the refiner’s fire for the sparkle and the true beauty to be revealed. Like a badge of honour I wear my scars because they remind me of how far I have come and how beautiful my journey has been. Like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon i’m all shades of amazing, like the Proverbs 31 woman I’m clothed in dignity and honour.

I’m still work in progress but for now I take a pause to celebrate me, my new found confidence…it sure looks good on me! To celebrate my strength, my peace and my wholeness. Today I raise my glass in toast to every amazing woman out there. This is to let you know that even if it doesn’t look like it now you are beautiful, graceful and full of strength. I came to tell you that no matter what is happening now you will always emerge on the other side better and stronger if you don’t give up. I said all of that just so you know that you are MORE THAN ENOUGH! Hold on to it, let it seep into your spirit and you will be surprised what you can achieve.

We are on a journey here, fasten your seatbelts…

Transformed: Spirituality, Purpose & Relationship

Yay! It’s my first post and I’m so excited to be starting this journey with all the amazing people out there. For so long I struggled with the idea of writing a blog. It seemed like too much work is involved and somehow I convinced myself I didn’t have enough to say. At other times, the thought of writing fills me with so much fear, the fear of failure, the fear of exposing too much, the fear of the Unknown all kept me bound. Unfortunately fear didn’t just hold me back for so long but I allowed it to conquer me. I convinced myself I’m not a good writer and I have nothing interesting to tell people so I totally abandoned the idea of blogging.

So how did I end up here? What changed? I woke up yesterday feeling burdened in my spirit, I was just not in a good place and throughout the day I struggled. As I laid on my sofa introspecting, I felt a tug in my spirit to start a blog. The amazing thing was without much thought I downloaded WordPress and here I am. I believe what changed was the prompting of the Holy Spirit, he nudged me and I took action. So I woke up this morning with so much clarity about the direction of my blog and I committed it into God’s hand.

This blog is about my transformational journey through life. How I made the connection between my spirituality, my purpose and my relationships. As I write and you read, I pray that God finds expression through my words, that grace flows from this blog to every reader and that the light of God’s word shines into every darkness, illuminating every heart and transforming lives.