As the first ray of sunlight penetrated the dimly lit room and gently graced my face, I turned and slowly opened my eyes as the words, he restore my soul formed on my lips. I sat up and stretched as I became more aware of my surrounding and the words that seemed to come from my sleep. In that moment I burst into worship, giving all the glory to the Almighty God, the restorer of all things good.
You may begin to wonder what is significant about the experience or what it actually means to me? In my walk with God I have come to cherish the communion I share with him and most importantly the privilege of getting directions for living, it makes life easier. Remember the bible says “He orders the steps of the righteous”. The truth is you never appreciate good health until you have experienced ill health. So I woke up one morning to realise I didn’t feel like praying or studying my bible and it would not have been such a big deal if that didn’t go on for about a week. Though I felt the burden in my heart to go to God’s secret place (the place of fellowship with God), there was a strong resistance in my physical body. All connection and signal were down, I neither heard the spirit of God guiding me nor feel connected to him in anyway. I struggled so much in that week! Even when I attended church services with such heavy presence of the Holy Spirit I was still struggling with no signal.
Before I knew it I felt unhappy more, became snappy and started having mood swings. The first thing I did was anchor myself by becoming accountable. I called up one of my spiritual mentors and reported myself, spoke to my support group(accountability & prayer partners), we talked through it and I felt a relieve in my soul knowing I’m being raised up in prayer. I then began to think over events leading up to that week, I confessed all the sins I can remember and the ones I can’t. Slowly I began to get into the mood of drive thru prayers but still not studying the bible (in order words no quiet time with God observed). So three days prior to my restoration experience, I began to just listen to worship songs on YouTube and more so fill me till I overflow by Tasha Cobbs. All day, all night I worshipped and told God I know you can hear me, I know you love me, heal every severed connection, mend every broken cord for I desire your presence and I’m dead without you.
The night before I worshipped even more and I could feel a spark, then as I worshipped I started to speak in tongues(pray in the Holy Ghost). My heart was flooded with joy and light, oh it was such a beautiful experience! So the next morning when I said the words he restores my soul I knew what it meant. God has worked his restoration in me and renewed my strength because I waited upon him. Grace found me again!
I don’t even know why I am sharing this experience but I’m sure it will speak to someone and help them navigate the times when it seems God is no longer close by. Now to recap, I took some steps that helped me in that season:
1) I anchored myself by talking to my mentor and support system about what I was going through. As a Christian God has not called you to walk alone. Having accountability partners and spiritual mentor(s) will help keep you grounded. More so, it keeps you from falling into sin, they give you practical, bible-based advice and help you get back to your feet through prayer.
2) I knew God was near, he was listening even when I couldn’t hear or connect with him. I knew without a shadow of doubt that God loves me and our relationship is important to him. How did I know this? Because I have been bought with the most precious price, the blood of Jesus (John 3:16). All through the experience I kept remembering how he would leave 99 other sheep to go look for one that is missing. Knowing that irrespective of who you are or what you have done, he will never leave nor forsake you means the devil cannot take advantage of you. The devil could not play the mind game with me thereby luring me further away from God’s secret place.
3) I created a conducive atmosphere through continual worship. At times when your heart seems too heavy or you just don’t know what to say, when all hope is lost and you are at a dead end, just worship. Worship invites the presence of God and allows the rivers of joy to well up in you.
4) I prayed in the Holy Ghost. The bible said in Romans 8:26, “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness…Remember he that speaks in an unknown tongue edifices himself.
I pray today that anyone experiencing a disconnection from God or has strayed from his presence will be fully restored in the Mighty name of Jesus. I pray that God will lead you in the path of righteousness and his strength will be perfected in your weakness. That even at those times when you walk in the valley of the shadow of death,he will gently guide and direct you. That he will comfort you and give you his peace that transcends human understanding in Jesus Mighty name. Amen.