Married but Single

We live in a society where you are twenty-five and not married, folks look at you like what is wrong with her? You become a prophecy material, a prayer point, sermon topic and dumping ground for all sorts of advice. Suddenly the only gist anyone has for you is how all your friends are married and you need to actively put yourself out there so Mr Right can see you.  So you start to put yourself under subtle pressure and you consciously or subconsciously seek out someone to complete you. 
The world makes you feel like your identity is broken or incomplete without being someone’s partner. Taking on someone else’s identity has become the norm, so we move heaven and earth to see that happen. God save you if you have no one’s identity or name to pick up soon and suddenly you start to feel like you are not enough. Some parents will give their daughters to any available man just to know she’s married and have grandkids. So kids births kids and the vicious cycle of abuse, pain, hurt, brokenness and divorce continues.

I know even the church makes you feel like there is something wrong with you if you are not married by twenty-five. So the pastor preaches that you have to be careful and wait for the right person this Sunday and the next Sunday he’s reminding you that three sisters got married last month and then says you are probably doing something wrong. You end up more confused than ever and your brain begins to remind you of your past and how God might be punishing you or Karma catching up with you. Sometimes you even convince yourself you are not made for marriage and cannot be loved. Please stop!

So you get married and realise that you were still as lonely, sad and confused as before or even worse because now you have double for the price of one. Your life starts to spring surprises at you and you realise how little you know about yourself. Marriage is like a magnifying mirror, it exposes and magnifies things and now you can see yourself in 3D. 

Today I have questions for you. Have you dated and courted yourself enough? Do you know and accept yourself? Have you healed from your brokenness, pain and traumas? Because without first doing that you will always feel the need to turn outward and seek outside of yourself what you have on the inside. 

You can be born again and still be broken my darling, that is why the bible said even if you speak with the tongues of angels but have no love in you it is futile. Trust me when I tell you that the journey back to yourself will be the best journey you will ever make.

I challenge you to live, grow, explore and know that you are complete all by yourself. Know that single or married, your identity is not defined or shaped by someone else or their opinion of you. Live your best life now so that when that special person comes they meet you truly living. 

Singleness is a precious gift and trust me you will appreciate it more when it is gone! I have been there so I know…YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH.



#Be Intentional Series
It was a beautiful summer morning and the rays of sunlight that lazily graced my face woke me up from my sleep. I stretched my hand to grab my phone and it was just 7:30am, I honestly wished it was 7:30pm. I had cried myself to sleep again and I wish I would wake and suddenly realise it was all a bad dream but unfortunately it was my reality. I felt like a mirror shattered into million pieces, broken, bruised and shattered.
You see I had just walked out of an abusive marriage at the age of thirty three at the time and the people I relied on for love and support not only abandoned me but betrayed me in the most vicious way. So I felt the stab of their betrayal even more than I felt the brokenness of my marriage. More so, I checked out of the marriage emotionally before I had the courage to step out physically.
My heart was filled with questions, fears, doubts and my face was a constant overflow of tears. Sometimes my grieve will slowly give way to anger, I was angry at myself, at God, my parents and everyone around me. I would ask questions like why me? What went wrong? I was never in a hurry to marry, I tried to be a good girl most times😀, I enjoyed being single and prayed a lot. The  problem is I had gone through life on other people’s terms, plans and basically lived their live not mine.
Anyway, I finally woke up from my pity party, decided I have had enough and it is time to finally get my groove back. I had to face my truth, walk/work my journey with intentionality, unlearn, learn and re-learn. I meant both my software and hardware needs huge reset! I have forgotten who I was, my self-esteem and confidence were in shreds and I was perpetually depressed.
So I set out on this journey of healing, self-discovery and wholeness but this time with God in the equation. I was determined to turn the situation around for good. It took me three years of hardwork, growing intimacy with the Father and learning to walk again in all areas of my life to go the full cycle. Yet I can boldly stand here and say I made it! My life became a blessing to me and everyone that crosses my path.
Trust me the journey back to “YOU” will be your hardest, longest and most painful journey you ever make. Yet I assure you that if you will trust your process and dare to own your journey, it will be the best journey you ever make and the greatest gift you ever received.
Today I am proud of the woman I have become! I found my calling and became an emotional wellness coach specialising in abuse and trauma recovery. Just last night I finished a goal setting masterclass called “Amplify” and the result was amazing! I mean I still got a call this afternoon from someone and in his words he said, “I dare say you are not only gifted but you are graced”.
I thank God for giving me the beautiful gift but I have had to work hard to sharpen and shape that gift. I didn’t get here by chance darling, I got here by design and intentionality. It was a hard, long and sometimes painful journey but it is sooooo worth it!
Take a pause, step back and ask yourself: Am I living my life on auto-pilot or I am consciously and intentionally owning my journey and writing my own story in the sand of time? The truth is your legacy is not some huge philanthropic act you do when you are finally as rich as Bill Gates and about 80years. Your legacy is the impact you have on everyone that crosses your path, it is the outpouring of yourself in fulfilling your purpose knowing fully well that you are an important part of that big puzzle. It is the little acts of love, kindness and compassion you pour out to the world on a daily basis. It is in the transformation that you bring into your life, your family, community and your nation. It is in the meaningful contribution you make in someone’s life and that simple touch that says I truly love you.
I challenge you to raise your standards, live from the fullest part of you, dare to be authentic and live intentionally😍😍😍
P.S: This is my last post for the year 2017 and I use this opportunity to say thank you to my loved ones, friends,mentors, spiritual leaders, fans and clients. Thanks for being a part of my journey, for love, support and laughter. I love you all and wish you a prosperous new year.

A Thankful Heart is a Fruitful Heart

It is that time of the year where there’s a lot of sharing and giving. Christmas is my best holiday ever and this year is my first year of celebrating it all by myself without family and I am perfectly happy. Although I wish I’m in Nigeria enjoying the warm weather but white christmas is in order. So what am I doing in this last weeks of 2017? I am thankful! My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude for the amazing year, 2017. I am grateful for the beautiful relationships God has brought my way, I am thankful for the gift of you, my tribe.

I am grateful for every single day I woke up, sane, healthy and alive! I am grateful for every meal I have eaten this year, I am thankful for a roof over my head. I am thankful for the warm shower I take everyday, I am grateful for every opportunity, exposure and knowledge God has given me. I am grateful for the gift of the most wonderful father that brings me into the love of God through his actions. I am grateful for friends that sticks closer than brothers. I am grateful for the gift of sibblings and the joy they bring.

I am grateful for the sun that shines to remind me of God’s love and brings hope with it. I am grateful for the moon that lights up the sky so beautifully at night and reminds me that no matter how dark the journey of life may be, my path is lighted up, I am thankful for the smiles through the tears, the laughter through the pains and the those times when I could dance in the rain.

I am grateful for the gift of love, of laughter, of live and everything beautiful. I am grateful for every penny that has passed through my hand, for every life God has allowed me to impact positively, for every blessing I have received and been given. I am thankful for every mentor, every pastor, every support system that have blessed me, sown seeds, guided me, supported me and helped me.

I am grateful for every baby step, for every season of trials and tribulations that has helped me to become a woman of strength, for every scar that stands as a testament to how far I have come, for every tears that reminds me that I am still human. I am thankful for every compassion, kindness and love the world has given me and I have passed on.

I am grateful for the God-ordained incidences, divine friendships and His mighty hands upon my life. I am grateful for planting me in family. I am thankful that every time I hit a wall, he makes a way! I am thankful for every time I couldn’t pay my bills and God sent help, for every time I have plenty and I could share with others.

I don’t take anything for granted, I know it was made possible not because I am better, greater or smarter but because grace found me! Grace found me, washed me, polished me and set me on a ground higher than I. The race of destiny is a fire that burns in my soul, it is the unquenchable thirst of my soul and purpose burns in my bones like the unquenchable fire fanned by the hands of God himself.

What are you thankful for? Remember that a thankful heart is a fruitful heart! My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude to my creator, to my biological parents, my spiritual parents, my sibblings, my tribe, my mentors, my friends and every soul joined to me on this journey of life. I thank you, I love you and I celebrate you. Thank you for making my experiences meaningful and life beautiful!

Still I rise!❤❤❤

Eat that Frog!

How many times have you put off writing that article, enrolling in that class or going to the gym? I can guess if you are human like me you have done it so many times you lost count already, so you have finally resigned to fate, giving up on reading about that new productivity hack or time management app on the block. Maybe even people around you have pronounced their verdict about you, you are just plain lazy they say! You have heard too many times you now believe you are truly lazy, I mean how else can you explain your sloppiness right? 

Well I have news for you today and that is to tell you to see procrastination for what it is, it is a symptom not a root cause. The reason why nothing seems to have worked in helping you overcome your proscrastination is that it is a symptom of an underlying problem, just like a rise in body temperature is a symptom of something happening inside your body and not the disease itself. Identifying the root cause of why you procrastinate is half of the battle won because as you understand the underlying emotion(s), you are able to come up with suitable strategy to combat it.

The first root cause of procrastination is fear! Yes you read that right…for some it is the fear of failure, of looking stupid, of being ridiculed or laughed at but for others it is the fear of success. A lot of times, the human mind soak up the negative occurrences and conveniently forget the positives. That is why emotional wellness is a journey, we have to continually put in effort in checking that our thoughts, beliefs and values align with who we truly are. Can you remember a time you have been working hard for a promotion and the moment you are given the promotion and a new assignment you suddenly develop a cold feet? That is because your mind suddenly recalls that one time you failed though it was fifty years ago, then fear creeps in and you begin to doubt your ability to perform well. Another instance was that time you deliberately pulled back so that your light won’t shine too bright and be perceived as proud. Your mind might actually be sabotaging your work😏. Fear is emotion-based and reinforces a negative or limiting belief.  So you might be procrastinating on that business idea because you think you don’t have the abilities to successfully execute or you are still stuck on that one experience of failure you had in your childhood. Failure is an event not a person!

Another very interesting reason for procrastination is perfectionism. Some people are perfectionist and would waste so much time trying to write the perfect book, paint the perfect picture that it only lives in their heart. Listen girlfriend! Nothing in life is perfect, change your view because the most beautiful things in life are imperfect. Perfection lies only in your head. Sometimes you are not able to make sense of a piece of work, at other times the ideas are all jumbled in your head but discussing with someone gives you clarity. So have a second and trusted opinion before you push it into the recess of your mind. Perfectionism leads to anxiety and low self-esteem because you will be too hard on yourself and others around you.

Thirdly fatigue leads to procrastination. There are times in life when we have our plate full and burning out but we keep pushing. Maybe because you want that validation, approval or endorsement but you are already running on empty. It mostly happen when someone has low self-esteem, think love is given based on performance or seeking validation. Low or drained battery is a killer of productivity, know when to take the step back and recharge. 

Finally, lack of organisational, planning or prioritisation skills. Unfortunately these skills are not taught in the classrooms but are important through every stage of life. Every aspect of your life requires planning, organising and prioritising. It is pertinent to know when to do what, have a structure and a process so that life becomes much easier. I understand there were times you need to be more flexibility but it will help you get so much more done. 

Now you see that most procrastination is not done out of laziness but there is an internal battle raging on in your mind. Trust me the world has gone beyond living in a cocoon, reach out to someone if you are a procrastinator. Send me a message and we can set up a clarity session for you for free❤️…Have a procrastination free week!

Support System 

The last few years of my life has been quite a journey and while I am grateful for the tons of lessons I have learnt along the way it’s been a looooong one. In those years I quickly learnt that having a support system is absolute to my success. My first encounter with the concept of a support system in deliberate term was when I re-dedicated my life to Christ and I was especially building intimacy with God. I prayed and fasted a lot and the momentum was great but I was scared to loose it because I love that presence, that relationship so I began to ask the Holy Spirt for help. As I prayed one night, it dawned on me that I need a support system and I began to pray for a company of women that will stand with me in the place of prayer with unity of mind and love and press into God’s presence with me. Fast forward to few weeks later I was gifted with four amazing sisters and a beautiful journey started. Over time like the bible rightly said, God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing. God has indeed created different support systems for me in various situations and for varied purposes and I have also been positioned as support for another person. A support system can be one person or any number of people.

Merriam-Webster university define support as : to keep from fainting, yielding, or losing courage : comfort; to keep (something) going. It defined support system as : a network of people who provide an individual with practical or emotional support. I also remember a proverb that says, a tree does not make a forest. Infact God never created human beings to be in isolation, the bible said it is not good for man to be alone and he went on to make him a helpmate. I don’t know what you are going through at this time, maybe it is the loss of a loved one, an empty nest(all the children married or off to college), matured single with no real relationship, divorce/separation, just finished that big goal and now you are confused about what next or you have suddenly woken up from your slumber and you are wondering what is happening? Where did the time run to? What next? Maybe it is even a happy time, you just had a baby, got married, started a new job and life is beautiful, still a support system keeps you grounded and on track.

Yet more profound are those times when we are going through difficult experiences and everything seems bleak, a good support system will give you stability, comfort, hope and a sense of direction. So important is a solid support system that it is an entire module in an online course I’m creating. It will teach you to create a solid support system or be a support system, features of great support system, toxic versus healthy support system, healthy interdependence, why your present support system is not working & how to fix it and drawing healthy boundaries within a support system relationship. Are you as excited as I am?

We all had or have support around us most times but they are mostly unconscious, I am a strong advocate of intentional living and I know you can’t keep doing the same thing in the same way and expect a different result. Therefore I am calling you into intentional living, creating the kind of life you want by taking decisive and guided actions. Who says you have to walk alone, fight alone or do life all by yourself? Absolutely no one! So darling, let’s (Yes we do it together, we will co-create!) help you create that life you want by building a solid support system that helps you to keep going against all odds. The year 2018 is upon us and I would love to see you live fully from the best part of yourself. Trust I am already laying the foundation of my support system for 2018 as it is a year of fulfilled prophecies for me! Care to hitch a ride with me? Slide into my DM, I have huge love and respect for you

Prayer: I pray that you are guided and enlightened in all ways. That the eyes of your understanding is open and your whole being is flooded with light in Jesus Name. Amen!

Transform | November 24, 2017 at 5:20 pm | Tags: 2018, Coaching, help, intentional living, new year, support, support system, system | Categories: Coaching, purpose, Spirituality, Uncategorized | URL:
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Corrupted Identity

I have had a long night and I rounded up at about 5:45am, excitedly looking forward to a quick prayer and sweet sleep for the next 5 hours. So living room light switched off at exactly 6:10am, I wobbled to my room and as I entered, the Spirit of God sent me to get both my bible study and prayer/purpose journal😳. Rolling my eyes like a pertulent child I went back to the living room to get both journals and just like that the spirit of God led me into bible study and flooded my heart with light for the next two hours. He opened up my understanding on his purpose for family/marriage and it was the most beautiful experience ever! Follow me as I try with the help of the Holy Spirit to give you an account of what the Father has revealed to his daughter this morning. It is so profound, I just had to share this…after the encounter I just laid there in His presence, soaking in His love and enjoying the warmth of his embrace…you know how it is now😘😉.

First he started with identity because without a clear cut identity you can’t have an understanding of what is available to you, what you should be doing or who you are take less of laying hold of it. A lot of believers have not been able to operate in the fullness of what they are called to or who they are because they only know and operate in their identity of born-again, blood-washed, spirit-empowered child of God. But even more important to God is your identity as a son/daughter of God, 2corth 6:18! Oftentimes a believer would say I know I am a daughter/ son of God but their perspective has been distorted by earthly examples of the Father’s representation. Now, what God wants you to know and understand is that the highest priviledge of redemption is for you to become a son. God’s intention for sending Jesus was his love for us and he knows that the fullness of that love and the full priviledge of it is only for family members (sons and daughters). Therefore the Father laid out the plan, Jesus-the first born of sons carried it out and the Holy Spirit completes the work in us by sanctifying, regenerating and glorifying us, perfecting the covenant of adoption and giving us family resemblance. That was the revelation King David got in Psalm 144:12 when he said, “then our sons will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughter will be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace. Not forgetting that in Ephesians 2: 19-22 the bible said, “Now therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone. Verse 21 – 22 is very pivotal to this discussion: In whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling of God in the Spirit.

He is saying I adopted you and paid that price in full with my blood so that you can be sons/daughters, having full privileges of the family, growing into a Holy temple through the work of the HolySpirit. The goal of the Holy Spirit is to produce sons/daughters who are like their Father (God) and their brother (Jesus). Adopting you into this family allows God to open up the depth, height, width and breadth of his love to you. So the family system is a very important unit to God because it is the channel through which he births sons/daughters and grows them into a holy temple. Marriage among believers is meant to be a direct representation of this process and covenant so that the coming together of a son and daughter of the Lord in holy matrimony can be a model through which unbelievers understand and unravel the mystery of God’s love and sacrifice and our adoption into his family. That is made possible as the Holy Spirit polishes us after the similitude of the palace and we become as the chief cornerstone(Jesus Christ). That is why the very first blessing God pronounced on man was in Gen 1:28, after seeing his children created so perfectly and like him, he blessed them saying be fruitful – grow in your relationship with me, multiply meaning create a beautiful family, and exercise dominion by taking care of it just the way I will take care of you. This major blessing is activated when there is a joining of sons and daughters. That right there is why the devil is laying siege on the institution of marriage, preventing it so that men does not have an accurate representation of God the Father! In fact it is so important to God that he warned us that perverting the institution of marriage is one of Satan’s strategy for the end time.

So the Father is actively looking for sons and daughters who will come together in Holy matrimony to carry out God’s divine mandate of growing in our relationship with him, showing the world the love of the Father and the mystery of the covenant of sonship through adoption. Son/daughters who will bring forth and raise righteous seeds to exercise dominion, people whose robe has been washed in the blood of the Lamb, who receives the Father’s love and pour it out to the world. That is why marriage is honourable, that is the basis why knowing your identity is important to God’s plan, that is why marriage was instituted by God and should be entered into by sons and daughters of God. Don’t let the devil lie to you by making marriage about happiness or about you, the plan of God for marriage is beyond you! It is far bigger, better and brighter than you!

Pray with me: Thank you Father for your love and for adopting me into your family. I pray that you enlighten my heart that I may fully understand all that I have read. I surrender myself and my seeds to this divine mandate, I declare that we have an accurate representation of the Father’s love and we walk in it. Amen🙏

Closer than Imagined

This will probably be my most unpopular post on this blog because what is on the heart of the Father has suddenly become old-fashioned. I wanted to put up a post this week on purpose but then the spirit of the Lord is saying there is something more important, more urgent that my people need to hear. The bible in Revelation 2:29 said “whoever has ears, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches”.

The dimension of God we always want to know and see is the dimension of love! Yes! He is love, the bible in John 15:13 said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends”. Christ loved us and chose us, while we were yet sinners he died for us that we might be a partaker of a glorious destiny in God. Indeed the love of the Father is deep, it is infinite and we can’t fully comprehend it no matter how much we try. But there is a dimension of him he wants us to pay attention to at this crucial time. The terror of the Lord! His judgement! In 2Corth 5: 11 the bible said “knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences”.

What I am trying to say is the second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ is so close that even believers will be caught unaware. The time when it will no longer matter if you attend the biggest church, own the latest car or the colour of your skin is yellow, green or brown. The rapture is closer than we imagine people and the Lord is extremely sorrowful that the church, which he has redeemed by his blood is sleeping and getting carried away by things that does not matter! Works that are dead and has no eternal value!

Once again like in the days of John the Baptist, the voice of the Lord is crying in the wilderness, PREPARE YE THE WAY OF THE LORD. I Thessalonians 5:2 says “For you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night”. You know the devil is giving us the impression that we have time on our side, he is saying things like, Jesus will come but don’t you worry because you will see your grandchildren and that is about twenty years to come. He is saying to you don’t worry the signs are not complete yet but a lot is already happening that your human mind cannot fully grasp. He is giving us false hope so we have all this elaborate plans for a life that amounts to nothing and will fade away like grass.

My message to everyone today is simple as it’s been given to me by the Father. JESUS IS COMING SOON, HIS SECOND COMING IS SO CLOSE AT HAND IT IS UNBELIEVABLE! The Lord has placed an urgency in my spirit to give you this message. Please be prepared, Christ is coming very soon. Let this post be a witness in your heart that the Father loves you and you are always in his thought hence this reminder. He is desperate to save you and welcome you into his kingdom to be sitted with him at the right hand of the Father. The Father is committed to your redemption, it is top priority! It is no longer a cliche, it is no longer an event for the future! It is real, it is so close for those that can discern the time. There is urgency in the realm of the spirit, Christ is not concerned about the quantity of our congregation but the quality of the harvest!

I pray that this message becomes fire in our bones. That the refiner’s Fire purifies us and take away everything that does not align with the perfect will of the Lord in us. Lord purge us, cleanse us, purify us, make us a vessel fit for the Master’s use. Save us Father, we are desperate for you! Turn every heart of stone into flesh, give us a heart of humility,help us to do that which is right at all times in Jesus Mighty Name! Amen!

Love Conquers All

First, I’ll like to say I’m so sorry for my absence from writing lately. The Lord is doing a quick work in me and needs me to focus on other things. Yet like someone with hunger pangs I have carried you, my friends and loved ones in my heart. I have prayed for you also that you will not miss out in the move of the spirit at this end times.

Also I have carried in my spirit a heavy burden for the body of Christ, the church whom He died for. I understand more than ever before it is easier to get caught in the trap of the pursuit of happiness, money, a good life and all the trappings of the world. Moreso the devil has firmly planted himself within the church. Yet don’t be deceived by all that is going on around you, for the Lord has preserved unto himself a remnant and his raising his army for the end time.

God is calling us all to a life of repentance, of holiness, of fellowship with himself and deep intercession! It is an urgent call!!! We need to birth the revival and holy revolution not just within the body of Christ but also in our families, homes, communities and nations. There is need to arise and take a stand for what is right and if you identify as a christian allow the Holy Spirit do a complete work in you.

One important ingredient to have is love! The love of Christ sets us apart, put a burning desire in us to reach out to others and show compassion. The right kind of love is only found in Christ! The bible said while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us! One of my favourite prayer point this year is that God will teach me how to love like him.

I know this is not one of my usual post but I’m just obeying the Holy Spirit. I love you all with the love of Christ and my prayer is that as you read this post the Lord ministers to your heart to do that which is right before him. That you will take a stand for him in all you do, that strength is minsitered to you to fight the good fight of faith and that my Father in heaven is glorified in your lives. Also it is my sincere prayer that a burden for intercession is created in our hearts so that Christ is glorified in his church(the bride) and the bride is preserved blameless until his return. Amen!

Godly Courtship

Hello beautiful people out there! It’s been a while I wrote an article, life has been busy but not too busy to help someone find clarity. The world as we know it today is all chaotic and there is a lot of grey areas especially in christian courtship. Most people including myself (in the past) just wing it, we do it as it comes with no clear cut strategy so it is really difficult to replicate the process. A lot of Christians talk about courtship God’s way and they think the only thing it applies to is premarital sex, yet after all the I will practice celibacy talk you find yourself back to the status quo. I’m sure like me you wonder why your promise and resolution never worked! 

First calling it godly doesn’t automatically make it godly, it becomes that when it is purposeful(clearly defined purpose) and it is God-centred. A godly relationship is courtship not dating and it is grounded in God. The bible says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” 

Friendship is the foundation of any great marriage because if you manage this stage right, you would have succeeded in starting strong. The friendship stage is the first stage of Christian courtship. Now I believe in a man and woman praying way before they see or think they are ready for courtship or marriage, it gives you a level of clarity about what you are looking for, it allow you lay hold of God’s promises and pray right. This is especially important for a man because he’s the one looking. Praying when you ain’t looking means you will likely pray God’s will and listen more for direction. This stage is devoid of intimacy, romance, long telephone conversation and what nots. Please brothers it is wrong and ungodly to pick up a lady everyday, talk for long hours on the phone, run errands and buy her gifts and come back with I never said I was interested, we were just friends. No sir, you planted a seed, your actions said all the things you didn’t say and it is unfair. My dear young lady don’t allow any man awaken love in you before it’s time, guard your heart and put healthy boundaries in place, you will be saving yourself a lot of heartbreak. Don’t become an item with someone who has not committed to you so much that people start to pass snide remarks about you. The key word is GUARD YOUR HEART! Pure, plain friendship without secret agenda and in a non-intrusive or desperate way. It allows you know each other without pretense or expectations and in a very healthy and natural way.

This leads to stage two which is the interest stage. You have been friends, watched this person maybe from a distance for some and you are interested already. It is time to get to know the person better, to find out more about her.  At this stage I recommend you arrange to spend time in same church activities, hangout as group of friends etc. It will allow you to know each other without putting pressure on yourself or acting out commitment you don’t intend to keep. Speak , chat occasionally but please it is not yet time to call each other for 2hours every night. Now by the time a man is saying, hey! I want to know you, I expect he has the leading of the Holy Spirit and has prayed throughconce ing the lady in question. It is just not fair or nice to tell someone you are interested in them and come later to tell story about how God said she’s not the one. That is what friendship stage is meant for! Watch her, pray and compare what you hear from God, with what God has told you in the place of prayer before she even came along. The interest stage is where you want to know her purpose and see if he fits into yours, know enough to help you make wise and informed decision. Please ladies if a man shows you interest and he won’t move past that in the next three months, he’s not made up his mind on what he wants, move on. I expect ladies to also pray at this stage, make sure you get a word from God about him and proceed with caution. It is also your responsibility to watch and ensure he fits into your purpose and journey. At this stage you are both assessing and finding out pertinent information about each other. Not every tongue speaking, bible carrying brother is a husband material. If I were you I would talk to my spiritual mentor at this stage with details of the stage we are, so there’s no pressure or undue expectations from either side.

The third stage is pursuing stage. Ladies please allow a man speak to you about his intention and allow him pursue you. I expect that at this stage he has communicated his intentions. I assume if a lady is allowing herself be pursued by a man she has a word from God already. It is still not time to talk about your best sex position or that family secret no one knew about. Slow down darling, apply break , put a lid on it just yet! Enjoy being pursued, be certain you both want the same thing and inform each other’s spiritual cover/mentor. You know his intention, that is he has communicated it verbally to you and you have agreed.

Then you can now enter the stage of committed relationship. The courting stage is charcterised by commitment, clear cut purpose and communication. I want to believe that by now you have both parent’s consent and you have started to lay the foundation for the kind of marriage you want to build. Remember that if it is godly then you want to put boundaries in place and you are practicing sexual purity ( no smooches, kisses, cuddles, foreplay, heavy petting etc). Build communication, discuss everything that is important and you need to know. Discuss the hard things, face your truth like health history, finances, credit history, family patterns, traditions etc.

Finally the engaged stage! Finally he proposed, every girls dream in a relationship. Be happy, celebrate but don’t loose focus. Your wedding plans will start but remember you have a life after that. No matter how great your wedding is your marriage is more important. Money, the stress of planing and coordinating the event will get to you at some point.Watch closely, you will begin to notice more than before if you have successfully built friendship, great communication system and if you have good conflict resolution skills. You will need it for the forever part so take note of it. It is like your mini report sheet  , if you are mindful and aware you will know if you have built something solid or shitty! 
This is by no means exhaustive in itself and neither is it a one size fit all or only way to do it. Whatever you do, keep it pure, uncomplicated, grounded in God and be transparent. Make sure you find your rhythm, own your journey, do you!

Prayer: Father I pray for every single that they are divinely directed to connect to their helpmeet, divinely helped to court in a godly way daily presenting their body as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto you. They are guided by the Holy Spirit and submitted to your Lordship in Jesus Mighty Name. Amen.

Credit: Adapted from Jamal Miller’s guide to Christian courtship.

The Purpose Series I.0: Higher Calling 

The grave happens to be the richest place on earth because it contains loads of unfulfilled purpose. Purpose is not just a cute word carved out by some wannabe “thought leader”, it is the reason for your existence! The only reason God deems it fit to keep you alive is because of your purpose. Without purpose abuse is inevitable, without purpose you are not useful to yourself or the world in general. God has created you for a purpose otherwise he wouldn’t! The family you were born to, the experiences you have been through, the people in your life, the resources available to you and the talents, giftings & ability in you is not an accident, it is so that you can fulfill your purpose. It is intentional! God is counting on you, destinies are waiting for your manifestation and generations are waiting to be blessed by what you carry inside of you.

No one is born without a purpose, make no mistake about that. Our purpose can only be found in God, our maker. You can only truly understand and fulfill your purpose by asking God and searching the scriptures. When Apple manufactures a new gadget such as iPhone, they inform the public about the functions it can perform and when you buy one it comes with a manual. The bible in Colossians 1:16-18MSG, “We look at this son and see God’s original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank of angels- everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him”. 

You were started in God, he determined everything about you down to the minutest details. Finding that purpose requires you to know him, trust him and walk with him. He wants to express his love and the fullness of his power through you. He created you to love on you, he made you his kind that he may enjoy fellowship with you, he made you that the splendor of his power and grace is make known on earth through you. In him is everything you seek. 

Until you find that purpose, the reason for your existence, nothing else matters. Nothing is as important, it is your essence, the very life you live! Not education, wealth, career, marriage or material possession is as important because until you live a life of purpose you have not started living. Do you even know that you get to give account of your purpose, your life assignment before God? Yes you do! When you are not running with purpose, you run empty! Life becomes boring and monotonous. 

Find your purpose before you find a partner, you will be glad you did…

Prayer: Lord I pray with everyone that you help us find you and allow you to guide us into your purpose. Father bring clarity into our heart and help us to focus on you as you guide our steps. Amen.